..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
