all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
