Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
