Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
