i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
