I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Oh god it's open bar.
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