he puts the penis in happiness.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
