Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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