eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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