We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
