I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
