you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
