I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
