so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
