when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
