I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
