Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
