and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
