I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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