Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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