All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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