so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize