Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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