College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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