you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
