is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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