You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
