I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
