Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
