Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
