I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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