im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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