instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
