Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
