You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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