her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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