Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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