Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
