Your mouth is God's brothel.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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