i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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