Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
