he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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