i just google imaged poop.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
