I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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