Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
