dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
