you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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