I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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