yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
