I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The Olympian is in my bed
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
