I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
