I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
