these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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