What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
