If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
