do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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