lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
