Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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