Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
