Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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