so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
