so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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