she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
