i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
