just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
