You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
