Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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