I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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