the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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