He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm passing your future prison.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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